so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
