I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
