Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
