I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
