Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
