I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
