There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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