WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
