Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
