I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
