She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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