Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's like God shit irony all over that family
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
