goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
4 words: hood of his car
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
