All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
