Can i not drive my cunt home
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
