What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize