we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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