put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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