He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
