This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
