You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
