Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
