i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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