Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
