My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
