just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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