I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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