I'm jealous of your bromance
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
