I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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