I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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