Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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