I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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