I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
