When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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