He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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