dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
