im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
