I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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