I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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