Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
