Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
