Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
