i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize