I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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