i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
