I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
