We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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