i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
