I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
