ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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