I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
