the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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