Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
