Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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