The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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