We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
