I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
