It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize