oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just had sex bonerless
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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