your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
