shes about as inviting as chlamydia
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
