it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
