woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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