Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
