no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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