Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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