Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
