we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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