as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
