gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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