my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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