were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
